Well maybe not quite yet but maybe I can see the forest through the trees? I am getting closer to being able to take a deep breath and be more in the moment (yes thank you Eckhart Tolle, Buddha and even Oprah for the idea) but in practice....well life has been far to busy to stop and smell much but my need for a chance to shower.
I know it sounds cliche but my life is getting in the way of my life. We have been so bloody busy that resentment is starting to build. With every invitation or obligation to attend another event I get mad and stressed. I don't like it when you start to live your life in 'reactionary mode'. That frantic kind of decision making that is based purely on getting it done and out of the way not with any thought or consideration. Nothing healthy can come from a life in this mode for any length of time.
We have been running on fumes since our return from our holiday down south. September was insane with an aunts visit, the kids starting school, a seminar, our wedding anniversary, Parent Association Meeting, TPOMBA meeting, Big Daddy's weekly hockey league starting up, 2 evening school events, School photo day, 2 kids birthday parties, 2 doctors appointments, 4 hair cuts (3 appointments), 3 play dates, me throwing my back out, a date night for us, a school bake sale to bake for, moving the kids into proper single beds from toddler beds and reorganizing their room, close to 20 hours of volunteer work for me and Big Daddy helping out a friend at an event all day. This is just what was added on to our regular day to day of meals, laundry, and work.
October hasn't slowed down with 2 kids birthday parties, 3 meetings, a convention, Gabe starting Fluency Treatment, 1 evening at the school event, 1 doctors appointment, Thanksgiving weekend away, getting Chicken Pox, trying to finish up the great furniture and stuff reorganize, the grandparents coming to stay for a week and now the twins fourth birthday next week...complete with not one but TWO parties for me to plan. This mingled with on-going work, housework, and the occasional need to bathe myself.
I am tired. Not the kind of tired where I need more sleep, I have been sleeping really well for the most part, but where I need to shut my brain off or put it in idle for a couple of days.
I maybe deluding myself about things slowing down after their birthday. I am trying to launch a new business so chances are slim that I will ever get to slow down and idle for many many years but I am hoping to get to the point where I can schedule things a bit more efficiently and know when and what time of day will be dedicated to writing and recipe development but for now......maybe I am living in the moment....a series of unplanned chaotic moments that I just have to learn to surrender to. Great, now I'll add 'learn to surrender' to my to do list.....fuck you Oprah.