Saturday, 30 May 2009

Aging

I think some people find romance in the drama they create in their lives. That some how they mean more, count more or are living a more important life if there is someone hurting, judging, or having any feelings about their life. This was true for me as a teen and maybe even into my twenties but as I have gotten older I feel the need for stillness, quiet, and peace.


There are a few things that I never want to ever do again. The sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. The feeling of falling out of control. The pain that makes you almost catatonic. When it hurts just to breathe. Intense anxiety. Wondering if he 'likes' me. Fear that if I fail, its the end of the world. Thinking that something is impossible. Lose myself to the point where I no longer exist. Forget to ever enjoy the moment. Do something out of fear. Intense insecurity. Vanishing into the crowd. Ever feel like I am a victim of my life and not the creator. And forgetting to take care of myself first, so I am able to take care of others.


But there are a few things that I never want to forget how to do. Lose myself in a song. Laugh till I feel sick. Meet eyes at a inside joke. And DANCE and dance and dance.

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