Friday, 20 June 2008

The return of mediocrity

I have been trying, really trying to come back to this. This is therapeutic for me and forces me to think it out, finish it and not stew....if that make any sense at all. Truth is I think we have only just got this babies thing under control and I fear that even that is only temporary. As fast as you find ways to solve challenges they grow out of it and on to something else. They are sleeping better and we seem to have some sort of schedule organized for them that works. But everyday is different and this sweet spot won't last.

Having kids is hard, especially two at once when you no previous work experience in this field. But the really hard part is how much it changes everything....not just "wow now I'm a mommy" but now your husband/partner/lover/thingy is a daddy and you have to deal with them getting use to that as much as they have to deal with you getting use to your new title as well. The best part of this life challenge is it is done with a painful lack of sleep, a sore healing body and hardly any other social life but your husband/partner/lover/thingy to commiserate with.

I have to admit, I am struggling with the change in the dynamics of my relationship with my husband/partner/lover/thingy. We have been 'married' for over 7 years and this is the first really BIG change we have had. We are counting on each other for very different things now and I can't help but mourn for the loss of what was. The hardest part of all this is that it was never considered. With our struggles with fertility the focus was always on whether we would ever get pregnant, not what would happen when we did! Suddenly we hit JACKPOT babies and our marriage is reeling. We are still tired and need to honour that about eachother but most of all we have to remember what a gift it is to find someone that makes the decision everyday that they want to wake up with you again tomorrow


Caitlin said...

You guys will figure it out. Being tired all the time completely changes your perception and makes everything feel and seem worse than it is. Sleep will return. And so will your relationship and it will most likely be stronger because you survived this together. That's huge. That's love.

Anonymous said...

One day at a time grasshopper....not yesterday and not tomorrow.