Saturday, 28 June 2008

8 whole momths

Dear Beatrice and Gabriel,

Another big month in the life of the Johnson Twins and I am tired. Yes you both are sleeping longer and longer and give plently of opportunity for us to sleep but so much happened this month that the awake time has been very busy.

Both of you are rolling all over the place. You are never in the same place I left you and I find myself chasing you all over the house. I don't know how I am going to handle crawling! Neither of you have figured out crawling yet but you both are really interesting in moving. Either with rolling or pushing yourself along on your backs with your feet. The sounds of your heads thumping against the hardwood floors makes me worry for your future careers but neither of you seem to mind.

And you both love to eat

You have started to piss eachother off by grabbing toys away from eachother which is a weird dynamic after you getting along so well up to now. The only trouble that we have had is Gabe pulling Beas hair but now that Gabes hair has grown in some, Bea, you're doing it right back.

I finally got you guys on a really good nap schedule and you were both happy clams. You would sleep better at night after having good naps all day and I could actually get a couple of things done during the day. This of course was all shot to hell with a case of the stomach flu that got everyone in this house including visiting Grampa Garwood. Gabe yours started on the monday night and I was up all night with you. By Tuesday afternoon I had it, Wednesday Bea and Grampa got it and Thursday Daddy started. For most of us it was really bad for a couple of days but Gabe is still suffering a week later. On Friday after being worried about your hydration we took you to Sick Kids. They made sure that it wasn't affecting your kidney and gave you IV fluids. You seemed to be feeling alot better for the next couple of days then another vomit Sunday and then another today, Tuesday. As tired as I am, I am mostly tired of worrying. (added later - this stomach bug then landed Gramma Sue and Grampa Lloyd and then aunty Caitlin. We are now calling Gabe patient zero)

It seems this month you have both almost mastered sitting up. Still a little wobbly but you both like sitting and usually only fall over when grapping for a toy. I bet you will both have this down by the end of the month.

Your very proud aunty Caitlin brought you some prezzies this month

And we bought you a wading pool for the back yard which you both have decided you like on a hot day

I think that everyone has moments in their lives that they wonder why these are the cards they had delt. Wonder why this is the path and it is only looking back that you can start to make sense of why. I wondered for a long time why I was in the restaurant business for so long...sure it was fast money for me but I also prided myself on how good I was at it. I have started to find reason for my well honed multitasking skills, for my ability to remember vast quanities of useless information for quick and easy recall. Unbeknownist to me I was going to be a parent of multiples and had to get good for the very complicated orders and demands of the most important customers of all.

love Mama

Friday, 20 June 2008

The return of mediocrity

I have been trying, really trying to come back to this. This is therapeutic for me and forces me to think it out, finish it and not stew....if that make any sense at all. Truth is I think we have only just got this babies thing under control and I fear that even that is only temporary. As fast as you find ways to solve challenges they grow out of it and on to something else. They are sleeping better and we seem to have some sort of schedule organized for them that works. But everyday is different and this sweet spot won't last.

Having kids is hard, especially two at once when you no previous work experience in this field. But the really hard part is how much it changes everything....not just "wow now I'm a mommy" but now your husband/partner/lover/thingy is a daddy and you have to deal with them getting use to that as much as they have to deal with you getting use to your new title as well. The best part of this life challenge is it is done with a painful lack of sleep, a sore healing body and hardly any other social life but your husband/partner/lover/thingy to commiserate with.

I have to admit, I am struggling with the change in the dynamics of my relationship with my husband/partner/lover/thingy. We have been 'married' for over 7 years and this is the first really BIG change we have had. We are counting on each other for very different things now and I can't help but mourn for the loss of what was. The hardest part of all this is that it was never considered. With our struggles with fertility the focus was always on whether we would ever get pregnant, not what would happen when we did! Suddenly we hit JACKPOT babies and our marriage is reeling. We are still tired and need to honour that about eachother but most of all we have to remember what a gift it is to find someone that makes the decision everyday that they want to wake up with you again tomorrow