I'm tired. The kind of tired where I'm too tired to worry about what I should be doing but too tired to sleep. I just can't think.
Life isn't easy right now but there is nothing I can do about it. I am currently learning the hardest lesson of my life, faith in the universe and giving the responsibility to someone else, or a better way of say it, having faith in others. I have never been a religious person, I have always thought that Christianity would be great if it wasn't for the Christians, but I have always been a person of great faith, or so I thought.
Pregnancy asks you to believe. To believe in your body, the magic of creation and the simple belief that everything will be ok. The latter is the hardest for me. I can't believe everything will be ok, there have been too many bumps on this road and I'm not allowed to steer or look out the windsheild and I'm tired. Even my ever faithful spouse is at the end of his faith rope which has always seemed endless and given me security. Maybe he is tired too.
How can I have faith when this body that seemed so determined to have these babies is now failing all three of us. It can't keep up with us and it is weak and injured. All I can do is rest it and tell it how this isn't forever, we just have to make it to the finish line. I have to tell it to have faith, I think it hears the disbelief in my voice.
Currently reading : Time's Witness By Michael Malone Release date: April, 2002