Monday, 19 March 2007

Who's Pube?

Last night like every night, the spouse and I both lay in bed reading because as you all know we live in a domestic utopia....

I am nearing the end of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (again) and He is reading something to do with pesticides? When I turned to the next totally enthralling page I found a pubic hair (or what looked like one) tucked nicely between the pages. I picked it out and showed it to him.

"Look, there was a pube in between my pages."

"That's frickin gross, get it away from me"

Suddenly I felt the need to defend the pube...

"It's probably yours, and really how is it gross, it's our book, it's our pube?"

"It's still frickin gross, get rid of it" he said backing away from it

I dropped the dark hair into the dark thick puddle of hair on my old man's chest.

"Find it now fucker!" I yelled



Poor Mike! That is SO mean, but yet So funny!

This one face....this one......there

I was in a drug store the other day buying something that is none of your business but because the lines at all the cashiers were so long I thought I would pay at the pharmacy counter to save a few minutes.

There was a man, maybe mid forties, slightly over weight, terrible acne, huge sweat stains in his arm pits (it's march!?) breathing loudly in front of me picking up his prescriptions. His english wasn't great and the pharmacist was trying explain how to use his various medications.
"Take one of this when you go to bed" She shock the pill jar and then lay her head in her hands pretending to be asleep. He nodded that he understood.

"This one for your face" gesturing by making a circle around her face with her hand "Two times" shaking a peace sign in his face. He nodded.

"And this one.....well...this one is for .......ah" I noticed a pause in the progress of me moving up the line. I leaned forward a bit, thinking maybe my years of acting classes might come in assistance......the pharmasist was holding presciption strength hemorroid cream in one hand and the applicator in the other.

Currently reading : Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Book 5) By J.K. Rowling Release date: 21 June, 2003

Wednesday, 14 March 2007

Clearing my Throat of all Blame

The Beasts in the cave have been fighting!! No, not just fighting - screaming! There is something soooo weird about not knowing anything about someone's life except what they fight about.

She thinks that he is lazy and messy and could do more around the house.
He thinks that she is nagging and shouldn't take her bad days out on him.

The spouse and I haven't had a screamer in a really long time. The closest we have come to a fight recently...........hemmmmmmmmm....

We have had to start figuring out what we are going to do about our finances once he is the sole wage earner (april). At the moment I am the one in charge of 'the books' and although he contributes heavily to the $$ pot I have always been kinda resentful that I have to 'worry' about the money. He claims that he would do it if I let him but he thinks that I don't trust him to get it done right.

Last week I was in the kitchen making dinner when he received an email informing him that he bounced his car insurance payment (this is the only bill he pays). I figured out what had happened by his cursing and mumbling. I walked into the study with 'that' look, the one that kinda says 'I told you so' mixed with 'I TOLD YOU SO!'. He took one look at me and told me to FUCK OFF!

Currently reading : Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Book 4) By J.K. Rowling Release date: 08 July, 2000


Maybe the beasts will split up and I get their place!!! Ohhh, you should encourage this behaviour by stamping around at 3am (to wake them up and make them extra tired and grouchy) and blaring Rush at the same time. That would make anyone mental.

Or maybe talk really loudly to Mike about how uncomfortable it makes me that Rob (guy downstairs) is always hitting on me. That might work too

OR, you can act like your neighbors on Pape..I am quite sure that will make them move out; after you get Mike out of jail you can go get C8 from the train station and she can move it the newly vacated cave. :)
Posted by 8:58 on Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 23:43

Friday, 9 March 2007

Borrower....try STEALER

In all of my perfect Zenness (yes it's a word), I try not to be attached to my 'things', 'bow-lllooong-ings' but it's hard. I like my 'stuff', my shiit!

So where is all my shit?? Like where are my Harry Potter Movies???? I used to have all three, now I just have number 3. Or where is my new Madonna CD? I have the case, proof that I owned it at some point but where is the actual disk? Or my knitting book, the one that was the size of a magazine but had a very good section to describe really hard stitches?......where the f%^$k is that?? Or I swear that at some point I owned a brown leather purse but now it seems that I only have black ones? And for that matter, I thought I owned some red leather gloves, but they aren't in with our winter stuff. Or my copy of 'The Professor and The Madman'? one of my all time favorite books.....GONE!! And my waist, where the hell did my waist go?

Currently reading : Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Book 4) By J.K. Rowling Release date: 08 July, 2000


You have absolutely lost your mind.......maybe ALL of it is wherever you left yer mind!

little Miss Imitation
when you find those 'red gloves' can i borrow them? i feckin' love red:)
seriously...i'll trade you for the waist...yes it was me...thought you wouldn't notice:(
but i'll return it...but only if i can borrow those gloves

Bobby Meanswell
I have a confession to make. I believe I have in my posession the first installment of Harry Potter, borrowed in 2003 from you, and collecting dust among my DVD's: A transgression that I shant easily forgive myself for. I will return said DVD with a thousand pardons. I however have no knowledge of your knitting books...

BAS Tard

Unforgivable.....hey do you have both 1 and 2?

Bobby Meanswell
Nah. I only have the first one. Anyway, I'm not the only one. If I'm not mistaken my books "Godforsaken Sea" and Earnest Shackleton's "South" are somewhere among your books, borrowed many moons ago by your spouse and never returned to the rightful owner, i.e. 'Me'. I believe a hostage exchange is in order.

It's true, negotiations shall begin. Call out number between 7:01 and 7:02 tonight. Let it ring twice then hang up. We will return call between 8:47 and 8:48, letting it ring once to confirm that we received your call. Then......wait.....what was I talking about?

Ok, wait a minute. I was going to confess about a few things, but I have a question first. Mike borrowed books? Since when does Mike READ??? Isn't he too busy with hockey, trees, funny videos, beer and farting?
I have several books, I think. Freakanomics, for sure, and probably more. I dont think I have any movies or cd's though. And no purses, shoes, makeup, waist or Harry freakin' Potter.

Wednesday, 7 March 2007

Time keeps on tickin tickin.....

"Time keeps on tickin tickin in tooo the futurrrrrrrre......"

Those that know the song can sing along....

It's true kids, time does go faster as you get older. It is now 33 days till I start school.....can you believe it?! I get excited just thinking about the smell of school supplies, sharpening my pencils, a new school bag. That was about the only thing I ever liked about back to school, that and the clothes. That reminds me, what should I wear the first day?......

I haven't really be suffering from the fear of "commitment" (yes I am making "" marks with my fingers!) See, I was never one of "thooooose people" (yes I'm doing it again) that had a "calling"(maybe again) I have always been interested in way too many things. The idea of commiting to one thing for "the rest of my life"(ok again) put the "fear of God" (and again) in me. So I settled......for "mediocrity" (yes......and?) Even my "limited career" (and your point is?) as an actress, there was no real "commitment" (I had to do it again!) made. My job "really" (it's an addiction) was to go to auditions, very rarely was I "a working actress" (I'll stop, I promise) And by calling myself an actress, it "excused" (just the one more time) me from ever commiting to "waitressing"(ok maybe one more) which is what I was really doing. But waitressing wasn't "cool" (soooooo hard to stop) and certainly not challenging. So as my brain died, I had to get over the "shit" (how could I resist ""ing shit?)

I just want "a little peanut life" (and this, how could I not "" this?) one that I am not "ashamed" (don't judge me) of, and one that I can come home from a days work and not need to rant for over an hour to "recover" (it had to be done) from. As long as I keep sniffing these new "back to school" (so) markers, I have been able to keep the the "commitment" (last time, I promise) demon at bay

God, my arms are tired!

Currently reading : Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Book 3) By J.K. Rowling Release date: 01 February, 2000

Oh, Em. I'll be home "soon" (I promise). And really, this is "the" funniest entry I have read in a long time. :)