Friday, 22 December 2006

Santa Baby

I have been working my butt off. Pulling 50-55 hours a week on the Christmas party teet. Like an old boyfriend, I had romantized the hospitality industry, remembering all the good ol'times. I really had forgotten how much it just really f*^%ing sucks. This tired old bod just can't do it anymore.

All this and trying to get ready for Christmas. I made a very clear list of what the spouse and I need to do to be ready for the holiday and I can't decide if it feels like we will be ready. The fact that I am writing this at 3 a.m. and way past tired that I am almost awake again.....well maybe you can see where this is leading.

But I did it!!!! After so much begging from the spouse, I got him his DREAM Christmas present. The best part is he has no idea. I kept telling him we should save up. He had been begging for a new digital camera for 2 years. Ever since he drove away with the last one on the roof of the car. He insists this is not what happened, but that the car cleaners stole it when we returned the rental car. So I have been saving up on the sly. The deal was that we were going to wait and get a nice one, not a point and shoot, not just a cheapy charlie cause we wanted a new camera so badly but a real honest to goodness good one. So after much investigation and keeping a eye on the sales I did it today! I'm not even sure that I can wait. I am desprete to start playing with it. Even the guy at the camera shop said that it is an amazing camera. I bought the body and the basic lens, I figure we should learn how to use the stupid thing before we get too crazy on lens'. Besides fancy lens' weren't in the budget, I knew I had to spend a whap of cash this first trip to the camera store because you have to get a memory card, carrying case etc as well as the camera. I hope he loves it as much as I do. Shhhhhhhhh cause spouse doesn't know yet.

You're too young to have a 'tired old body'. Enough of that.
Maybe tired, but certainly not old.

Monday, 11 December 2006

To breed or not to breed

It's late and I can't sleep. I am feeling overwhelmed.....and for some reason mad. I few posts ago I mentioned that I have the opportunity to return to school. My amazing spouse has offered to look after our finances if I want to 'continue my education' This is a huge gift and one that I offered to him two years ago and he took. Our plan was always to take turns, he went first because he knew what he wanted to take and because I, at that time, made more money then him and could conceivably pay for our lives. He will graduate top of his class in April. So now it is my turn.

In anticipation I have been investigating anything and everything that interests me, seeing if any of them will see me through 2, 3 and sometimes 4 years of study. I posted that I was looking into becoming a teacher, something that has always interested me and people have told me that I would be good at. But after a long look at, I decided against for various reasons. I have now started the process of applying to design school. Every class description interests me and I am getting really excited about the possibilities. I start in April and I can't wait!
Three years ago I found out that I am unable to get pregnant naturally due to scar tissue that distroyed my fallopian tubes. The scar tissue is as a result of a infection when I was 8 years old. There was and is nothing I can do to change or fix this. Our only chance of have children is through In-vitro Fertilization or adoption. I have always wanted children and this was a huge blow, especially finding out only after trying to get pregnant for over a year. Now I am 34, at 35 the chances of a successful pregnancy start to decline and I am mad.

I have something I want to do, something for me. After 15 years of hating what I do for a living, I have an opportunity to change that. To be proud and look forward to my workday. And the sound of a clock ticking is so loud that I feel sick. It feels like I have to put my dreams on the backburner again for someone else. Someone that doesn't even exist yet. I know that children are a huge gift, they teach you your capacity for love and change all your priorities but the only advantage I have had over the natural process of getting pregnant is the ability to plan exactly when I want to be pregnant and now that has been taken away from me. Now instead I have to chase a ticking clock? Would I feel this pressure if we could get pregnant naturally? I just want to have this dream of school all to myself for a while. I don't want to start school with plans for leaving before it's over. I'm not asking that I start my new career before we consider kids again just that I can enjoy going back school and the excitment of that without the pressure of procreation.

Currently reading : The Infertility Cure: The Ancient Chinese Wellness Program for Getting Pregnant and Having Healthy Babies By Randine Lewis Release date: January, 2004

Having a child and going to school do not necessarily cancel each other out. Start the schooling. You can go to classes while pregnant, if that's the case. And you can continue classes in the evenings while your partner is home with the babe. Afternoon naps and part of wk. ends can be set aside for homework. Also, if you have some (and it would have to be 'some', not all) classes during the day, there are always babysitting trade offs with other moms. This only means that your degree may take a little longer.....not the end of the world
Buck up girl.
I'm with (I'm assuming) Finn. Go to school, have a baby, do it all. We have faith in your amazing abilities, Em. And I will be back in Toronto before you know it and will help you out in every way I can. You have an awesome support system, take advantage of it!

Tuesday, 5 December 2006

I Want Stuff

I have No idea and a million ideas as to what I want for Christmas. The Mr. and I have been very frugal the last few years with buying a house that needed tons of work and then his return to school and trying to live solely off my income. So I have gotten use to wanting things but have forgotten the true meaning of GETTING them. Every holiday that rolled around we would ask politely for things for the house and remind everyone that we can't go crazy with shopping so don't go crazy on us. Last year I knit almost everything. But lately I have had the urge to be spoiled. Not only do we need stuff for the new house like a dresser for our bedroom and a cabinet for the tv but I need some clothes and a pair of winter boots and we need a vacuum and I need a couple of new pots and and and...........I Want Stuff!!!! IS that soooo BAD?
I am back at work, no more housewife for me.

The 'housewife' thing wears pretty thin pretty fast. You're far too smart and creative for that role.


I haven't been home to be making dinners the last week and I miss it. I love cooking! But tonight I made a very nice lasagna. Here's what I did:

Sauted large onion with 3 cloves of garlic until soft. Mixed together one container of ricotta, one box of frozen spinach (thawed and squeezed of liquid) with onion/garlic mixture. I added a bit of grated parm and mozza.

In a sauce pan I simmered one can of plum tomatoes that had been pureed in a blender, added some olive oil, fresh basil and a knob of butter to make it rich.
I boiled up some lasagna noodles, I had found spinach lasagna noodles which I didn't even know existed and inspired me to make the dish.

I layered sauce, noodles, blobs of ricotta mixture and grated mozza until out of noodles then threw the whole thing in a 375 oven for 45 minutes. Once cooled, very good and not so saucy that it falls apart. The thing I like about lasagna is, it always taste better the next day.

Mmmmm, sounds yummy. I often throw in sauted zuchini and sweet peppers too. Mmmmm and yeah, always better one and two days later. All the moisture is kind of sucked up by then.